And no, it’s not income or penis size
A lot of people may value some superficial things when it comes to choosing #bae, but according to psychology, there are a few traits that are key to determining a perfect mate. Psychology Today outlined five characteristics that may help you spot early on in your relationship if your significant other will make a good partner.
If your “What I Want” in a companion list doesn’t include the following items, you may be missing some perspective:
- Kindness, loyalty and understanding, not looks, status and excitement. According to Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D, “those whose partners meet their ideals in terms of warmth and loyalty” are more satisfied with their relationships. Surprisingly, physical attractiveness, wealth and social status are less correlated with overall satisfaction. So even if your partner isn’t the sexiest or a high income earner, being warm, kind, loyal and understanding was seen as more important than any of those superficial traits.
- Similarity. They say opposites attract, but according to research, you should find someone similar to you. According to the research, “couples who share tastes, interests and expectations tend to encounter fewer conflicts.” Age, educational attainment, work-life balance, child rearing and desired number of children also play a factor in divorce rates.
- Conscientiousness. If bae is cute and not thoughtful, you may end up unhappy. Conscientiousness is about practicality, rule-following and organizing, according to Seidman. Dependable people are considered more trustworthy; you don’t have to worry about broken plans or promises with people who consistently come through for you.
- Emotional stability. Guess what? Those screaming matches people often associate with passion may not be necessary after all. The emotional stability of your partner directly affects overall satisfaction in your relationship. In psychology, neuroticism is associated with moodiness, touchiness, anxiousness and being quick to anger. Partners high in neuroses tend to have negative interactions with their partners and other people.
- Belief that relationships work. The success of a relationship can be determined by a partner’s overall philosophy toward relationships. Researchers categorize those belief patterns into two categories: growth beliefs and destiny beliefs. Those with destiny beliefs think relationships are meant to be or not—they either work out or they don’t. Those with destiny beliefs may not be as open to overcoming conflict. Those with growth beliefs are more likely to discuss problems and repair issues that may arise in a relationship. Asking a potential partner his attitude toward relationships and marriage may help determine long-term compatibility. If they have a fatalistic approach to the whole thing, it’s probably not a good sign.
From Hello Beautiful