What grown women really need in a partner
While rocking abs, a beaming smile and swag for days may be important, please know what’s on the inside carries more weight than the outside. If you’re looking for a man to hold on to for the long run, here are some of the most important traits you should be looking for:
1. He unapologetically loves black women. Yeah, he looks like Michael B. Jordan and treats you nice for now, but is it in his nature to call other black women “typically” bitter, angry and unattractive compared to other races and ethnicities? Girl, take note, because that negativity can easily be directed towards you the minute you two get in an argument. You want a man who totally believes inBlackGirlMagic and how that encompasses you, his mama and everyone else.
2. He’s smart. No, he doesn’t have to have a degree from Brown to be intelligent, but can he carry a conversation, does he have books in his crib or watch interesting television and documentaries? Is he up on current affairs and can articulate them eloquently? This type of intellectual curiosity and rigor is what keeps you two connected, especially if you’re on top of your stuff.
[Also read: Dating Diaries]
3. He cares about your work. In 2016, women work—and work hard. To have a partner that respects your dreams, passions and desires and is proud of what you bring to the world is really important. If a guy never tells you he is proud of you and doesn’t ask about your job or projects, rethink that relationship because he might have issues with you being successful.
4. He’s emotionally in tune. Many of us have our own jobs and can pay our own bills without dude, so when we are thinking about a partner, think emotional dependence, not always financial. If he’s that “keep the lights on” kind of guy who thinks that because he brings home the bacon he doesn’t need to be loving and caring, he is not the one. You need someone who understands that intimacy, deep love and attention are necessary for you to stick around.
5. He’s confident. He doesn’t need to be super macho and conceited, but there is something about a man who knows he needs improvement, but is confidant in who he is in this moment. Most important, he understands that feeling like a man doesn’t mean dimming your shine. He can root you on and still know he is one baaaad brotha, too. There’s nothing more sexy than that.
6. He’s not off-the-hook sexist. Whether you’re a self-proclaimed feminist or not, you still want to be treated like an equal and with respect. So watch how he talks about issues around women and gender. If he’s the kind of guy who blames rape victims for their own assaults, refers to women as “females” and thinks women should be “barefoot and pregnant,” girl, you need to rethink that whole relationship.
7. He is truly kind. We know there’s something very yummy about bad boys. They keep us on our toes and turn us on, but the lack of taking our feelings into consideration gets old really quick. You deserve a kind man who takes your needs into consideration every single time, and doesn’t forget your birthday or big events or the little things.
8. He’s adventurous. No, he doesn’t need to jump out of a plane, but hanging with you, an “it” girl, means he has to be willing to try new cuisine, the latest hot spots and gallery openings around town. If he only wants to stay in the house and watch football and never try anything new, he ain’t it.
9. He’s a good listener. Being in a relationship means being in tune to what each other is feeling and saying. If you feel like he isn’t interested in what’s coming out of your mouth and it’s going in one ear and out the other or he misinterprets everything you say, girl, kick him to the curb, stat. No one has time to put up with that.
10. He sees the bigger picture. He may not be President Barack Obama successful now, but does he have the potential to grow in his career down the road? Does he want better for himself, like owning a home, being promoted at work or starting his own business? It’s not always about where a man is, but where he is going, and if has dreams, that’s a great thing.
[Also read: Should You Live Together?]
11. He loves the kids. He may not want kids today and that’s OK, but how is he with other people’s kids? Is he standoffish and unpleasant or is he hands on and fun? Pay attention, because this could potentially be the kind of father he might turn out to be.