Is he there, but … not there?
Is there something not quite right about your new almost-bae? Is he there, but … not there? Read on to learn the most common signs that he’s not quite on your emotional level, then seriously consider moving on.
- He’s not empathetic. He doesn’t seem to be able to tell when you’re upset, and if you clue him in, he doesn’t really seem to care. With this guy, your problems are you own; he’ll call on you when you’re over whatever is bothering you.
- He has a serious mouthpiece. Men who are quick with the compliments but have trouble holding a serious conversation are often more interested in chasing you than actually catching you. Proceed with caution.
- You’re becoming a master dentist. Talking to this dude about anything deeper than the weather feels like pulling teeth. He seems incapable of discussing his feelings—about you, about his boss, about his mother—and even seems annoyed that you might want him to.
- You know way too much about his ex. This guy actually opened up enough to be in a relationship … but he’s clearly not over it. So he talks about his ex. All. The. Time. He needs to close that door before he can open yours.
- He can be hard to find. Emotionally unavailable folks can often be physically unavailable, too. He may pop up when it’s convenient for him, then disappear for a week with or without excuses.
- He has never been in a long-term relationship. A man who makes it to his mid or late 20s without ever being in a serious relationship is a man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship—or doesn’t know how. He may have trouble opening up enough to get over the intimacy hump.
- He tells you. When someone tells you something, believe it. He may joke that he isn’t good at relationships or even tell you straight up that he’s not ready for a commitment. Don’t be that chick who laughs it off and thinks she can be the one to change him. You can’t.
- He doesn’t make plans. You want him to join you at your best friend’s wedding, but he’s noncommittal. Or you think it would be fun to plan a vacation for next summer, but he won’t give you dates that work for him. That guy isn’t able to commit to being with you tomorrow, let alone forever.
- His pants are on fire. This cat has no qualms about lying. Whether he broke your television or cheated with your home girl, you could catch him red-handed, and he will still tell you that you’re tripping.Run.
- He’s self involved. All your dates are on his terms, on his turf and all eyes must be on him at all times. And when you get together, you do what he wants to do, whether that’s watching the movie he picked or having sex the way he wants to have it.
- He struggles with addiction. A man who has an addiction—whether it’s to alcohol, porn or anything else—is too busy battling with his demons to truly be there for you. Trying to build a relationship with someone in this position is a lose-lose proposition.